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The things I fancy doing

The first thing that comes to my mind when I think of general interests of mine is music. I couldn’t go a day without having at least one song played that expresses what I feel. Sometimes, I feel like I am so fed up on music and so used to it that it actually became an addiction and in the same time, something that makes me feel safe. The second thing that I really enjoy doing is watching tv series and movies. It’s one of the few things that helps me relax and enjoy my free time. A few other things that I really like to do are travelling and running. The sad part to it is that I don’t have enough time for either of them, because I’m a student and I can’t really afford travelling at this very moment. If I could, I would travel for at least one year, just to meet all kinds of people and get to know their cultures and the differences between me and them. That is one of my main interests and I intend to put in application a few years on from now, hopefully.MEOWA day in Los Angeles

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What education means to me

Today I’ve been asked to talk about education and how it is a part of my life. I have been lucky enough to be born in a country where education was free and everyone was able to get a proper one. I am currently a first year student at Edinburgh Napier University and I am taking a course named Computing. The truth is that the road to this present day started a long time before I could even get into this university. Ever since I was a child, my parents invested time, support and even money to give me the best education and to prepare me for the life that I am living right now at university. For me, education is the thing that helps us to make the difference between right and wrong, it helps us understand deeper problems and it actually has the biggest impact on how we act when we go out in society and communicate, meet or socialise with people in different situations. But education wouldn’t be possible without all the people who are involved in this process. By that I mean, every single person who was involved in educating me was really important because each one of them had different areas and subjects that they were teaching me, and everything was build on what I had before from the other teachers. I am thankful for being able to get an education and I think that education is the most benefic thing that we get to have today. I say this because without the education that we’re getting, we would never get to evolve as persons and we wouldn’t grow as people in this society. POZa

The road to recovery

road-to-recovery It starts today. Or, at least, I hope so.. NO! I have to do this, I have to start recovery.. Because, if I don’t do it now, who will do it for me? I can’t afford going around, telling people about my mental illness and stuff, but I can start changing myself and my behaviour and hopefully, my life. Starting from april, my addiction became a part of my life, on a daily basis.. And what can I say?  It got me addicted and I couldn’t stop myself. But I have to try, I have to do something about it. All I know is that it’s been a way too long journey and it’s a dangerous path which can also lead to death. And I can’t even think about it. All I’ve been was wrong, when I thought that I can manage with it, that I’m not sick, that I don’t need help or treatment, that it could be worse, that I could be more into it.. like, deeper. But I was wrong. It’s never enough. No matter how much I’d do it, it was never enough. And that’s why I have to stop it. It has to end somewhere. And this is the first day. I have to keep believing. keep praying to God to help me with the recovery, because I’m alone in this, and by alone, I mean I’m recovering from it all by myself.. Like, I can’t go reaching out for help, maybe I’ll end up in a hospital. And I know I can end this by myself, I’m not crazy… And I have to do it. So, here we are. The first day. I can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again. But I’m trying to stop myself from doing it. I don’t want to lose my health or my life because of it. That’s it for today.

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Mat Kearney – Ships In The Night

We’re wasting time.

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Bye..

Bye..

— Jeanette Winterson, The Passion

     “Whoever it is you fall in love with for the first time, not just love but be in love with, is the one who will always make you angry, the one you can’t be logical about.”

Do it.

1. Push yourself to get up before the rest of the world – start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise.

2. Push yourself to fall asleep earlier – start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable.

3. Erase processed food from your diet. start with no lollies, chips, biscuits, then erase pasta, rice, cereal, then bread. use the rule that if a child couldn’t identify what was in it, you don’t eat it.

4. Get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else.

5. Stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything.

6. Buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice.

7. Buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small.

8. Strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full.

9. Organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle.

10. Have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck.

11. Push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog.

12. Message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through.

14. Think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything.

15. Become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends.

16. Lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.